My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
