are you so shy because you have an std?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think my moral compass just broke
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
