Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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