took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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