Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
