Me. At least after what I've been through.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize