i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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