i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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