how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
