awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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