It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
