i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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