apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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