woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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