Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
