when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
