Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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