respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
