He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
