ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
