new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
