I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
