she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I have vodka in my lungs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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