Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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