based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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