I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
