having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
