I wish my penis had an off switch
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
