I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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