Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
