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I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
