Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
