Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
where are my eyebrows?
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