Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
