i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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