More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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