dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
