So drunk its hurt
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
