she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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