3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
