I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
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porn star boner night. come get it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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