Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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