If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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