So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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