Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
