I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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