Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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