She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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