Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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