I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
