You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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