Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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