I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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