...so i touched it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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