he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?