Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....