before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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