YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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