So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
