My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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