I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
