im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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