so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This can only be settled by a dance off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
