She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
