you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
