dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
