I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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