she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize