his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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