Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
