so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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