Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
